By Ken Kessler

Jack was frustrated. He had been the pastor of Meadowview Church for ten years, but he felt stuck and confused. Some of the naysayers in his church were driving him batty, and everybody had some outmoded idea or hare-brained thought that would make the church different. Did they not understand him after all these years? Did they still not get what God expected out of them? Had he become part of the problem? Did he need to start looking for another place of ministry? His spouse didn't want to hear the conversation. She and the children were happy in the community. His pastor friends were caught up in their challenges. This present culture of uncertainty and political volatility was taking its toll on them and on him. Jack had to talk to somebody.

Thinking through the names from his ministerial cluster, he considered Jill. Jill was pastor of Trinity Church on the other side of the county. She had been through her challenging times with her church, but she seemed to be in a good place with her church family now. Every time she talked about Trinity, she lit up with excitement. Jill had also been there about 10 years as pastor. He had her cell number, so he pressed her contact button on his phone.

They spent a few minutes catching up on their lives and family stories.

Jack then began, "Jill, I was thinking about things today. The last few times we talked, I’ve been impressed with your demeanor and positivity about your church and what God is doing. It's not always been that way, and the negativity around here is starting to get to me. I wanted to hear how things changed for you and your relationship with them. How did you personally turn things around for you and the church?"

Jill said, "Well, Jack, the grace of God sustaining me is my spiritual answer, but what made the biggest difference is my investment in a leadership coach."

"A leadership coach?" he said. "How did that help? I cannot imagine one more voice speaking in my head and how that could be helpful." Jack acknowledged that he remembered his high school coaches, who had coached him in basketball and football, and their yelling at him. "I have people telling me all the time what I need to be doing. That's part of my problem. I don't need one more voice."

"That was my thought also," Jill continued, "but my coach was nothing like that. In fact, she listened more than she talked, and she asked me more questions about my opportunities and challenges. She told me when we began, she was not going to tell me what to do or give me answers to my questions. I found out I had a genuine thinking partner."

Jack inquired, "How did that help you?"

"That's a great question. Usually, I go to an outside person to give me answers, but my coach reminded me that I was a gifted, called individual that God was using in my church, even if times were tough. We focused on my strengths and gifts and what I brought to the ministry setting with the people. Then, we explored various topics in our coaching relationship that helped me regain my confidence and prioritize the important things in my ministry and the church's ministry in the community. She did not give me advice or tell me what to do. She kept reminding me that God had placed the answers inside me or helped me consider where I could find the answers."

Jack was intrigued but still uncertain. "What kind of things did you work on with your coach?"

"That was the interesting thing. We worked on what was important to me. We focused on my leadership issues. There was no canned agenda. I brought the issue each week to the table."

"No books to read, no steps to follow?" Jack questioned.

"Not really, or at least not steps to follow from my coach. My coach shared resources I might explore, when I asked. You must know that a coach does not give answers, and what I did with that was completely up to me. Don't get the wrong idea, Jack. What was so effective was that we would explore options I thought were important for me and the church. We would leave the coaching with items I was committed to working on. It was about what I needed to do. I worked hard in those sessions on me, and then I had to work on things after the session."

"Jill, I'm still trying to understand what the coaching session looks like. How long does it last? What do you do in a session?"

"My coach and I committed 60 minutes together, but most sessions lasted 45 to 50 minutes. We would begin catching up for about 5 to 10 minutes. Then she would say, 'Okay, Jill, what do you want to work on today?' Then, we would explore my interest in that topic for 10 to 15 minutes. My coach, whose name was Sue, would then try to narrow the key issue for me by asking a question like, 'What is the one thing you want to walk away from our time together today pursuing about this topic?' By narrowing it down, we began exploring different options I had to work on that topic. By the time we finished our conversation, I had identified at least one thing I would do and the steps to get there. Jack, you ought to try a session with a coach just to see the benefits."

"But I have so many things going on now," Jack stumbled to say.

"I know it sounds overwhelming, but a good coaching conversation provided me greater clarity and better focus on what I needed to do," Jill continued. "If you're interested in getting out of these ruts and seeking to grow yourself, this idea can be life-changing. I was floundering. All my challenges and problems were not solved, and yet I found energy, focus, and recommitment to the people I serve. I will send you the information for my coach. Call her, and she will let you experience a free session to see what happens. What do you have to lose? Thirty minutes maybe, but you might gain a new perspective."

They continued talking about the benefits Jill had received. Finally, Jack decided to give coaching a chance. Jill ended the conversation with one last tidbit: "Jack, I want to ask you three questions my coach asked me to firm up my commitment. Now I'm going to ask you:

1. When are you going to call Sue? Commit to a firm time.

2. What could get in the way of you making that call? Identify any barriers that could get in the way of you making it.

3. Whom do you know that can make sure you follow through with your call?"

Jack realized Jill was coaching him about this basic action he was going to take: "Okay, I will call her today at 3:00 p.m. The only barrier I can see is my procrastination, and I can control that. Occasionally, an emergency will come up, but I usually have some control over how I can respond. And I will tell two people to make sure I do it—my wife and my assistant."

"You are well on your way, Jack. You will find some amazing results if you work at it and remain coachable."

Whether you are feeling overwhelmed like Jack, need a renewed focus, or need to find the next steps for your ministry journey, coaching can benefit you! Coaching provides a way to find positive, action-oriented thinking and planning in the days ahead. For a free 20-minute session, contact Ken Kessler at ken.kessler@bgav.org.  

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Ken Kessler is the director of BGAV's Empower Coaching.